| woo! |
[Apr. 27th, 2006|05:31 pm] |
|
I have a job now. Hooray for testing video games! I start on the 8th, so I have a week off. What to do, what do do? |
|
|
| I ended this with a fragment |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|11:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Theme For A Pretty Girl That Makes You Believe God Exists | ] |
I'm currently laying in my bed, with my laptop burning my thighs. This is the last night I will spend in this room. I've been expecting this for a long time, but my feelings in this moment are suprising. It's not that I enjoy this room or the people in it, but the finality of the situation is almost palpable.
I met the guy who lived in my room last year. He was in my English class last semester, and somehow this bit of information was revealed within minutes of us talking for the first time. I wonder how he remembers his time in this room. Does he miss it? Will I miss it?
I saw the same guy in Beaty Market last week. We didn't say anything to eachother. I wonder if he was there because he was hungry, or if he was just trying to recapture a lifestyle he used to live. I've done similair things before. I've ridden my bike to my elementary school along the same route I did when I was a kid, struggling to remember what life was like back then. Sometimes when driving, I take long routes, hoping that repeating my actions from the past will somehow evoke those experiences again. Even now, whenever I pass by lakeside, I try to remember all the experiences I had there. The overarching theme is the simplicity of the past. Every new stage is increasingly complex. Each stage takes me farther from home. Now more than I ever I understand that life and self-realization are journies. It is the unceartinty of the future that scares us; will we be happy? we will be loved? will we be lonely? This is why the past is so comforting. Whenever I drive those same roads or take those old paths, I am doing so because I hope to return to a place where I was happy, and I was loved.
Even so, it is the uncertain future that makes life worth living. Although we may feel despair or lost at times, it would be more of a failure to give up and return to what we have already accomplished. I've been looking forward to returning home, but already know what life will be like there. I'll go to work in the day, and hang out with the same friends I've had my entire life. Every night, I will return home and sleep in the same room I've slept in for the vast majority of my life. I have no doubt I'm going to have a blast this summer, but I know it is because I'll be romping in conquered territory.
It makes sense that the majority of people live in the same place their entire lives. I used to think I was going to be one of these people. However, if I do so, it is only because I gave up. I never want to stop challenging myself or stop learning.
Tonight was one of those nights of weakness where I tried to remember what the past was like. I revisited a point where I was loved and happy. In this case, the point was a person. A better man wouldn't feel this sentimentality for the past. A better man would spend time creating new hapiness instead of trying to grasp at what used to be. I'll be that better man one day. Will that day be tommorow? It is entirely possible. I've lived in this moment too long.
I'm not saying the past should be forgotten. However, the present should not be sacrificed for the sake of the past.
And the future? |
|
|
| 350/350 |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|06:28 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Got to know the woman - Beach Boys | ] |
"You have the talent and the direction to push yourself beyond the ordinary traps of poetry."
"Your collection shows your ability to use almost any voice as much as it shows your willingness to have fun with your work."
"You have the diligence and whimsicality that writing (poetry especially) demands."
Man, my poetry teacher was so hot. I'm going to miss her, especially when she inflates my ego like that. |
|
|
| The Illiterate |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|11:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Don't Think Twice, It's All Right - Bob Dylan | ] |
This time next week, I'll be back in Orlando interviewing for a job.
This time this week, I'm memorizing a poem.
Which is better?
:-(
I don't think I'm ready for this school year to be over. |
|
|
| College |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|12:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Teen Age Riot - Sonic Youth | ] |
Everytime I see an incoming freshman touring the campus, I just want to run up to them, grab them by their shoulders, shake them, and scream,
"NO ONE HERE WILL LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS YOUR PARENTS!" |
|
|
| Randomness |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|06:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Happy Kid - Nada Surf | ] |
Throwing parties is cool |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2006|01:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mets/Nats - MLB.tv | ] |
I finally washed the dishes last night. No one had washed them since February. That shit was awful. It took me about an hour and a half. I've seen things I'll never be able to forget.
My birthday is tommorow. Good bye 18, hello 19. I'm kind of sad about it. 18 was a pretty eventful year, and was probably my most important. It was the transition year from my growing up in Orlando to my becoming an adult and my future. It's been difficult, but the payoffs have been worth it.
I'm having a birthday party on Thursday. I'm really excited about it. It'll be at my friend Dylan's place. If you're reading this and want to go, just let me know. I have to start inviting people soon.
My phone rang today while I was in Spanish Class. When I checked my phone after class, it was an unknown number, but it had a 407 area code so I figured it was someone I knew, but hadn't put their number in my new phone. I called the number, and it was Tiburon Studios. It turns out my brother gave them my name, and they wanted to conduct a phone interview. I'm completely unprepared, but I do alright with it. I have a in-person job interview on friday at 5:00. That is going to be such a tough day. Wake up (hungover), go to my 10:40 class to turn in my homework, go to spanish, get my things together to go home, get a ride home, change clothes, drive out to Maitland, charm the pants off my job interviewer, blah blah blah. I'm already exhausted. |
|
|
| Down by the river, I shot my baby |
[Apr. 5th, 2006|11:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Neil Young foreveeeer | ] |
I just wanted to say I've been in a pretty great mood as of late. I could explain, but I don't feel like it. |
|
|
| You can put it in the books! |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|07:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Robot - Nada Surf | ] |
I wish I could just hang out in New York and have Mets season tickets. Baseball is incredible.
This is one of my best sports days. Hopefully the Gators can get it done tonight. I want to run around the streets and flip cars and all that cool stuff. |
|
|
| I was going to write about jerking off in public places |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|12:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lookout Joe - Neil Young | ] |
Sunflowers
It's noon. So says the placement of the sun.
It's rays act as a string, they bind to me
the sun, a balloon melting focus, thought,
until my legs give way; black pavement scalds.
I close my eyes; the heat seeps through my guard.
A cool breeze blows from behind, willing me.
Her face comforts as she restores my feet.
She guides me up the stairs back to her room,
a room I've not seen since she changed her life
and cut me out. She strips me from my clothes.
I'm pink and naked like a newborn child.
My nerves are calmed by her forgotten touch.
I fix my gaze upon the same Van Gogh
copy that I once bought with her back when.
How lucky am I that she still cares,
or else that heat would have another heart.
I rise from bed and dress, just like post sex.
I steal a glance from her eyes, a kiss from her lips,
and stir to leave when the floor erupts
and I fall in the new mouth in the floor.
As I come to, the pavement scalds again. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
deaftommy's journal